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Post by stjimmy on Apr 23, 2009 3:49:33 GMT -4
Rose was shocked and momentarily flabbergasted.
"Wha...? A talking map? You know I'm a woman under this? Wait, no. First things first. Weather?"
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Post by popkop on Apr 23, 2009 4:14:14 GMT -4
"Of course I know you're a girl, miss. Living here in the Chaos Room for so long, I've learned to sense something of the essence underneath all the transformations," the map said.
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Post by stjimmy on Apr 23, 2009 6:06:17 GMT -4
"So, this cellar is the chaos room? Or just a part of it? Hang on, are you also, um, a changed person?"
Rose had forgotten all about the map's comment on the weather, when he felt something cold on his antennae. Looking up, it was snowing. Snow indoors was probably the least surprising thing about today though.
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Post by popkop on Apr 23, 2009 6:47:18 GMT -4
"It's what the Chaos Room is right now. Last week everything was philosophers and theologians discussing whether or not Table exists or is only a matter of faith. As for me, my name's Chicken Noodle. I'm a can of Campbell's soup."
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Post by stjimmy on Apr 23, 2009 7:07:35 GMT -4
"That sounds... unusual. Well, Mr Noodle, the way I see it I have three things to do right now. First is find a way to turn myself back, second is find a way out of here and thirdly, once I know I can get out and turn back, see the sights." "And the valuables" Rose thought. "There my not be stacks of gold down here, but a slimming ray or age-reversal hat would go for a fortune"
"So, can you help me with any of those? Or at least find me a hat, it's getting rather cold." Once again, Rose regretted his choice of tellytubby. "The green one had a hat" he thought.
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Post by popkop on Apr 23, 2009 7:23:05 GMT -4
"Turning yourself back shouldn't be too hard. The Teletubbies are bound to their favorite toys, and they need blood to stay awake more than one night. So, avoid drinking anyone as a baby bottle, abandon the bag somewhere, and play a lot with things he doesn't like as much until he leaves your body. You might stay purple a while, I suppose, but it can't be much worse than the aftereffects of Wonka gum."
"As far as a hat... hmm... turn left and go straight until you see an elegant teapot on the third shelf to your right - don't fall into the doily pit though. Give the teapot three rocks, and it should open. Climb inside and swim across the treacle. The Dormouse has an old turnstile somewhere in there that changes people's clothes. It should be able to provide you with a fine hat."
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Post by stjimmy on Apr 23, 2009 7:37:45 GMT -4
"Thank you." Rose said, leaving the handbag beside a box. "See you around perhaps."
He left, and began following the map's directions, but had a thought. "Swimming in treacle? With this fuzz? I'll try and turn back first. Now what would a teletubby not like playing with?"
On a nearby shelf, he spotted a Rubik's Cube. "Perfect. The irritating little things never seemed much for puzzles."
He sat down, leaning against the shelves the cube was on, and began twisting it.
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Post by popkop on Apr 23, 2009 7:52:03 GMT -4
The cube twists nicely, like it is well-oiled. In the back of Rose's mind, Tinky Winky's voice sounds peevish. She/he was right; the teletubby didn't care for this toy.
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Post by stjimmy on Apr 23, 2009 8:09:19 GMT -4
It took him the best part of an hour to finish it, he hadn't played with Rubik's cubes very often and was unsure of the proper technique. Eventually he realised you have to work on the cube as a whole, rather than focusing on one side.
Rose was nearly done, when Tinky Winky decided that he'd had enough. The fuzz on Rose's arms and legs reshaped into her familiar bodysuit, her face snapped back to normal and her ponytail was briefly in the shape of a wire aerial, before gravity claimed it.
Her body briefly seemed deformed, as the teletubby's shape was still there, but that soon changed. She didn't so much grow as flow into her old shape, the tubby's extra chub moving down her limbs and stretching them back to their proper dimensions. Her breasts and hips were simply left behind when the teletubby's bodymass moved away from them.
Once the changes were finished, rose stood up and patted herself down. Everything seemed normal, height, texture etcetera. Her suit and hair were still purple, but the soup can had said that would go away by itself, and even if it didn't she could find some dye.
"Yes! I'm me again!"
The Rubik's Cube was nearly finished, so she spent a few more minutes clicking everything into place. Soon it was done, and she was ready to move on.
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Post by popkop on Apr 23, 2009 8:16:32 GMT -4
Unfortunately, upon completing the cube, it started to pulse with an uncanny blue aura.
"Seven," said the Rubik's cube, with a Greek accent.
"Six," said the Rubik's cube.
"Five," said the Rubik's cube.
"Four," said the Rubik's cube.
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Post by stjimmy on Apr 23, 2009 8:27:16 GMT -4
Rose sighed. "I suppose it was bound to happen soon." She looked at the shelves, and considered running or taking cover, but it didn't look like she would make it in time.
"Well, let's at least do this with some dignity." She stood, arms spread and eyes closed, waiting for the cube to finish it's countdown.
"Two" "One" "Zero" There was a blue flash, and Rose began to feel a tingling...
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Post by popkop on Apr 23, 2009 8:36:19 GMT -4
Dizziness swept through Rose.
The smell of chocolate and peanuts filled her nose for a few seconds, followed by hearing scary voices shouting in Japanese.
The sensory effects faded as the dizziness passed. Silkbeard Roseaxe looked himself over, relieved that he was still a dwarf, albeit purple from that blasted teletubby. Whatever the weird cube had been, it hadn't turned him into anything else...
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Post by stjimmy on Apr 23, 2009 8:48:10 GMT -4
During the transformation Rose didn't remember, her mask had fallen off. It flapped slightly, then stretched and grew into a steel helmet. Roseaxe put it on without thinking, and continued deeper into the chaos room. His pack was somewhere around here.
He skirted around an enormous crack in the floor. It was filled with circular paper shapes, Roseaxe assumed it to be the doily pit. He was about to pick one up for a closer look, when he noticed that the pattern in it looked rather like a face. He withdrew his hand, and went around safely.
Eventually he came to the shelf that the talking map/soup can had mentioned. There was indeed a teapot on it, though it looked far too small to fit in. Still, this was what he was told and if the map had been telling the truth, this dormouse could make him a very nice suit of armour.
He rocked the pot three times and waited.
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Post by popkop on Apr 23, 2009 8:52:53 GMT -4
The teapot ignored the rocking. Perhaps it hadn't been the right meaning of 'rock'?
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Post by stjimmy on Apr 23, 2009 9:01:37 GMT -4
Roseaxe was stumped. He wasn't sure how else to rock the teapot. He didn't have a guitar, and wasn't going to hit it with a rock in case he broke it. Disappointed, he tried to remember the map's picture, rather than it's message. He was pretty sure there was some sort of armoury on there, though it might have been the history channel. Regardless, a good set of chainmail would be useful right now, so he set off into the distance. Fortunately, dwarven eyes are quite good at seeing in the dark, better even than a teletubby. Roseaxe briefly wondered why he had been struggling with the darkness earlier, but was distracted from this by what was up ahead.
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